Good, Unfinished Stories

 Desires of the Heart

    Looking at my patient assignment for the weekend, I immediately noticed a familiar name on the list.  I had taken care of him many times last year during his initial treatment for leukemia and he was one of my patients on my first day back to work this year in April.  This time, his cancer had progressed and he was awaiting placement at a hospice facility.  As I walked into his room that morning, his weakened appearance startled me, yet his unchanged love for Jesus made me smile.  J’s knowledge and love for God’s word had encouraged me in times past, and this hospital stay was no different.  We talked the next couple days about the tension he felt between longing to be with Jesus and greatly desiring to continue serving the Lord on earth. J felt at peace with whatever God desired for him, whether it involved going to heaven or sticking around on earth for a while.  The same struggle experienced by Paul in Philippians 1 became a repeated topic of discussion that weekend.  J would have rather been with Jesus, but wondered at the godly ideas for serving in his area that he hoped to start before he died. The question that we worked through during those few days was, what do you do with strong desires that seem God-given yet remain unfulfilled? 

    This is one question that I have wrestled with in the past and am sure I will continue to ponder in years to come.  The simple answer involves delighting in the Lord and trusting Him with all my needs and wants. Yet in everyday life, this can become a challenge of trust.  On one hand, God helps believers see that He truly is more than enough for us and only provides what is best to show His grace and help us treasure Him more.  Often that can involve Him wisely taking away or temporarily withholding lesser things that we try to cling to above or apart from Jesus.  Yet there are still wonderful longings that I, and I’m sure you also, continue to pray for that God has placed on your heart, but have not yet come to light- a child, a spouse to love, relationship reconciliation, a son or daughter knowing Jesus personally, a rich community, direction for work and ministry, the list goes on.  It has been a blessing to pray alongside some of you about these very things, and I am excited to see how God answers them according to His timing.  

    Psalm 16:11 remains a cherished verse of mine, particularly in this season. “You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”  This verse brings me comfort as I grow in trusting God with my desires, from my future ministry in Togo to healing for a friend.  I’m grateful that the Lord lets us have desires and even uses them in our lives. Through them He helps us know Him better and teaches us to long for Him above all else (then re-teaches us again, and again, and again :)  Not only does He help us cherish more dearly the things He has already given, but when a longing is answered with a yes, we can view it in light of our relationship with the Lord in a way that we may not have if God hadn’t used the waiting time to change us.  

    Many heart longings may never be fulfilled in this life, and I’m realizing how painful this can be. But our trustworthy God will not waste the desires He gives us.  For where an unfulfilled desire exists, there lies an opportunity to see the kindness and grace of God.  He allows us to draw near to Him in trust and cultivate a deeper joy in seeing who He is and being in awe as a result.  He may also use those desires in the lives of others to encourage, excite, and grow their relationship with the Lord.  There is no darkness in the Lord (James 1:17), and what He gives and withholds are according to His perfect nature. I’m so grateful we can rest in that.

    Praying for each of you as we continue to grow in praying, trusting, and resting in the Lord with our desires of the heart.